Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
