people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
