you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
