hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
