Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
