forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
