He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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