sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Im part way to drunk.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
