I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
