FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
