he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
