Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
