Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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