he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
