So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
