Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
