Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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