I wanna bring you to show and tell
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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