I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
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Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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