i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize