all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
