U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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