SEEEEXXX PLEASE
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
