the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
