Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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