the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
