I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
