alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Every concussion has its silver lining
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
