her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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