It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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