Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
