I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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