Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
