I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
