ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
