When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I supernannyed him into submission
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
