Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
