Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
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He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
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My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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