Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
