make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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