Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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