all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
