6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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