I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
