I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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