I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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