I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
