took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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