Will you blow on my dice?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
