vagina is talking i cant
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
