Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
where does the pee come out of this thing
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
