Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
