it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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