K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
