She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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