Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
