Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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