I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
