Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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