i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
