His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
And then he peed in my hair
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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