I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
